Romans 7:22-23 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately, to remind myself who God is in my life and His power that has been displayed.
I have been struggling with anxiety over everything going on in the world and I thought of how I used to drink to avoid this.
I started drinking when I was 16. It was a way of life, it was what kept me moving forward, it helped me face another day. Then when I saw my ways weren’t working I lost all hope and screamed out to God for help.
He connected with me immediately and I started to see my life differently. Some things in my life changed immediately but others were a struggle. To stop drinking was a struggle. But the best thing about that was that I was now struggling which meant something was changing.
I could no longer drink and be okay with it. I tried to stop at times, I set limits on how much I consumed, I looked up articles about how alcohol destroys the body, I tried AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery etc. and nothing was working for me. I really felt like a prisoner within my own body. I went through this struggle for years.
I did sense God was telling me that I couldn’t be set free until I really wanted it within my heart. It was like part of me wanted to be free so badly but the other part was scared to let go. I asked Him how I can fully give this to him and of course he didn’t answer me right away.
Instead, He let me suffer through many different hardships and I got mad at him often but letting me struggle and hurt at times was how he freed me from my addictions.
The final piece to this was that I started to feel pain in my side and was worried my liver was being destroyed. I started to put my foot down even more when it came to drinking and had to deal with emotions on a daily basis. I started to seek God more often and do meditation and it helped for a moment but I would always go back to feeling anxious.
My stomach hurt like I wanted to throw up, I wanted to crawl out of my own skin at times and frankly just wanted to scream and disappear.
Well, one evening I was feeling especially anxious and asked God “how do I fix this”? What do I need to read in your word? Do I need to meditate? What am I missing?
Then I saw a bottle of alcohol under the kitchen sink and a quick thought went through my mind that I could just get wasted and not feel. I quickly threw that out of my mind and thought…
“This is why I always drank, to stop these feelings but this won’t really help me, this has never helped me”, only God can help me find real peace”. It’s like the stuff I kind of knew already in my head connected deep inside of me and the light went on, it all came together in the blink of an eye.
I automatically had peace come over me and the anxiety left.
I realized that I finally wanted to be set free for real, I truly saw that God was the only way to cope and heal. God was just waiting for me to fully want it. He was patient enough, and loving enough to let me battle this out with Him by my side the whole time.
The struggle is real but the struggle is what leads you to true change in your life.
I drank for about 25 years and never thought that would change but God showed me that anything really is possible with Him.
Are you struggling with anything that you want to give to Him? Well, keep up the struggle and never give up because He will never give up on you.