Who Am I?

I have been stuck in my life lately. I have been craving more, more purpose, more to do, just something. I have felt stuck, held in bondage to certain sin and have been asking God what I am missing, why can’t I move past this? Why am I stuck?

Last night I had Bible study and a friend said that he thinks the key is knowing who you are to God. This must have taken root in my heart because I woke up and…

I felt different. I felt deeply loved (like I used to), I saw myself (more deeply) as His daughter, His precious little girl who He wants to protect and love deeply and I felt more freedom from my struggles.

I tried to find my identity through men for so long that I never knew any other identity. My identity changed with every man I was with because I was who he wanted me to be or who I thought he wanted me to be. My life was about making him happy and I never found myself.

Since I let God into my heart I have changed so much and I would never trade who I am now for anything. But I think I got stuck in a routine of trying to be who I believed God wanted me to be and because I strive for that image, I fall into condemnation when I don’t reach it and it turns into me trying to be perfect in my own strength. The reason is because I thought He wanted me to get this life perfectly.

I am starting to see that God’s plan for me right now is simply for me to relax and stop trying so hard to please Him and just find out who I am.

When people ask me what I like to do, I don’t have much to say because I went from liking whatever the man I was with liked, to following God hard. I would never change following Him like I have so far because like i said it made me who I am now, but I know I am at a point where He wants me to find me.

So, I have been wanting to do a puzzle for a while but never took the time. Today we received a bunch of puzzles at work and I remembered how I wanted to do one, so I took a couple of opened ones home (which I will return).

It felt so good putting this puzzle together because I was doing something I wanted to try. I was seeing if it’s something I like to do and I did like it.

This may seem small to you but to me it was huge.

I have always had to be what others wanted me to be. Growing up I was who I believed my parents needed me to be, then I was who I thought a man needed me to be and then I tried being the mom I believed I needed to be.

Now God is telling me that it’s okay if I find out who I actually am. That I can take the time to find out what kind of person I want to be, what I want to do and find out who He created me to be.

This is why I think I have been held in bondage to things for so long. I had to numb myself to be who I wasn’t meant to be. But if I continue to find out who I am these things will have less power over me.

I praise God today for loving me enough to open my eyes to these things. These things seem like they should be common sense but they aren’t because we are blind to simplicity and that is why God’s wisdom is so powerful.

And even more powerful is our identity in Him, the people He created us to be individually. We are not meant to get it perfectly (which I was trying to do), because that is the whole reason why Jesus came for us.

So my advice is… To stop pursuing who you think you are supposed to be and pursue Him who created you in order to see who you truly are.

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