Fluttering Wings!!!

Matthew 4:11 Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.

I started a new job with an organization that helps women/children/men of domestic violence. Due to this new job I am required to take a domestic violence training. So my first class was yesterday. I went into this kind of annoyed because I thought of it as wasting a whole Saturday hearing about all the statistics that I know already because I am a survivor of domestic violence. But God had other plans.

During the first part of the class they just spoke about the history of DV and then we had a break. During my break time I started to become emotional and my body was shaky. I didn’t realize that my past was being stirred up until we went back and started watching a video. Half way through this video my heart started to race, my body was shaking and tears started to trickle down my face. I wanted to leave but thoughts of how the others in the class would know I was affected kept me in my seat. Then I tried to do deep breathing techniques and tears started to stream down my face. I realized that I just needed to sob so I got up and as I turned the corner two of my new coworkers were there and I just burst into tears.

We sat and talked for a while and they helped me by validating my feelings and assured me that just because I was triggered (which is something I thought would never happen again) doesn’t mean I am not okay. It felt so good to simply tell people my pain and the injustice I felt through the court system and have them instantly understand. I was able to go back to class after the movie and share what happened with the group.

I am just amazed by God yet again because I know He brought me to this organization to further my healing and help me grow.

In the past there were times I ran from God because I didn’t want to process the pain that I knew He was leading me to because I didn’t trust Him enough. But finally I realized that I am not alone and that He is with me right now to walk me through this process. I can trust Him.

This abuse that happened so long ago has started to give me that uneasy sense as if it just happened. So this morning I turned on worship music and just closed my eyes and sang to God. As I was singing I saw shadows (through my closed eyes) of wings fluttering around me. I received a vision of Jesus in the desert when the angels came to tend to Him after Satan left Him.

I am sure that God is here and He is telling me that Satan meant harm with the abuse in my past but He is here to redeem that and He is ministering to me and healing me.

What a beautiful God have…

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