Amazing how God works in a matter of hours or even minutes.
The past 3 days I have been so depressed and numb feeling, I knew I had to sort out the feelings, but other than my grandma dying, I didn’t understand what feelings I had.
I had been fighting the enemy who was telling me to just drink and forget it, but God has told me over and over not to do that and to sort through the feelings. I waited on Him and kept asking for help in understanding what I was going through. Why am I finding it so hard to see her and give my heart to her?
Well, this morning when my mom said to at least call gram because she was lonely and is seeking our love, I had said “she should have felt that her whole life”. This made me feel horrible, how cold I am being.
Well, then I was listening to moody, which I hardly do anymore, but I happened to be in my car running an errand, and This is the Day was on. They had a pastor on and they were speaking about Spiritual warfare and other stuff, I felt the need to call but didn’t know exactly what I was calling for. I got through right away and sat on hold for 2 minutes.
I told them that the family has been distant and now gram is dying and wants us and something is stopping me. The Pastor basically said to go into prayer and ask God to reveal all the pain grandma caused me and write it down, then to release it to God so I can go to her bedside without her owing me a debt.
That was it and that is why I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. My grandma has been mean directly to my mom, not her grand kids, but indirectly it hurt us also and I am holding a grudge and have bitterness toward her.
The weight has been lifted, I have my Joy back and I am going to go through this process, so I can go to my grandmas and enjoy the rest of the time she has left with us.
Thank You God for answering my prayers (:
So now my focus isn’t gram is dying, she is starting to live, she is in a position to spend time with the family, with nothing interfering We are all in a position for restoration and life to be put into this family. For us to be released from the bitterness and the enemy, who has led this family for way to long.
Just happened to open my email and the verse for today is Psalm 3:4 I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain (:
Exactly what happened!