2 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
So since my revelation this morning and taking ownership of being an alcoholic, I have had a great day.
I have felt free from my secret, I am not scared to greet and meet. I have peace today, all anxiety is gone and I don’t have any urges today.
I was thinking about the situation and even though God was telling me to admit it and part of me did and I even said it at times with doubt, I still didn’t believe it in my heart. It’s weird how you can know something about yourself yet deny it at the same time. It’s sitting right in front of you and your blind to it.
It is hard to admit weakness about yourself, at least we think it’s hard, I wanted to omit the admitting part and pretend I was over it and had control now and could move forward helping others. I can still help others but from where I am right now, I don’t have to overwhelm myself with knowing it all right now, I will learn more as I move forward in this. What is even harder and more painful than admitting your fault is holding onto the denial, that is painful stuff. I held onto that for a long time and now it took me about 12 hours of tears and talking honestly to let it go. Now I am free.
I got that verse in my email today and I always tried to understand it better, well this morning I did get it more clearly. I am weak, I admitted it and now God’s power is being made perfect inside of me. It’s okay and everything is going as planned.
I just realized I have that same verse taped to my computer screen, for probably a year now, I have read that multiple times over the year and wondered what it meant all this time.
Little did I know I would find out (: