I cry myself to sleep only to wake up to visions that torment me. I wonder sometimes if I will make it, I wonder if I will overcome all these obstacles. I start to believe again that I am losing it, that I am out of my mind. I think I shouldn’t even talk to people and give advice because the whole problem is me, me leaving people alone is the solution. Me pretending my life is something else is the key to being accepted and feeling normal.
I cry out to God with tears streaming down my face. “Why, why” “God” “God” “God”, with every gasp of breathe. “Why do I have to remember, why can’t you just take it all away”? “Why does it seem like some are just meant to suffer and be hit over and over again”?
I think “who will rescue me” “who will listen”?
I think I can’t take anymore, I can’t go on walking this narrow road alone, who can I talk to? Who will not judge and think I am crazy with what I would say, the stories I would tell?
Then peace comes and God says to my heart “Shhhhh, Listen. I am listening to you, I am comforting you and not judging you. You aren’t crazy, your healing”. “Let it out sweetheart, it’s okay, you will overcome now as you have in the past. Don’t be afraid to tell others even if they stray because some days you speak to the ones who need to know to that they are gonna be okay”.
Now every tear I cry comes with a cleansing breath after and I fall into a peaceful bliss knowing that through all this comes my healing and freedom from the pain, the memories, the past and in enters my hope and my path.