I didn’t know then, but……….
Proverbs 13:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death
I used to think if I met the right man I would be happy and never feel pain again, my void would be filled. God tried to warn me over and over, showing me things about the men I chose and how they weren’t good men. I would disregard the anger that was slowly revealed because they would apologize and tell me it’s cause they love me so much, that they would never act like that again.. When they opened the door for someone or were nice to their family I mistook that as goodness and kindness, but everyone has some good in them and they all love their own. I convinced myself these little acts of kindness meant they would love me unconditionally and never hurt me. But they would eventually hurt me and it got worse with each person.
When I met good men that really did love me and would love me unconditionally and never intentionally hurt me, I found things wrong with them, maybe I even planted some things in the way so I could push their buttons and have a reason to break up with them. I hurt them, made them think it was their fault.
In the end it did lead to death, I died Spiritually, I felt nothing. This finally brought me to seek the Lord and start to listen, but it was a long hard road until I came to that point.
We think our ways are right, we think of things to fix the pain and all it does is give us a quick fix until the pain returns and things go bad and cause more pain, the pain lingers longer still and it cuts deeper than before..
Proverbs 13:18 He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.
I ignored all the warnings from God and words of the wise around me, I ignored advice. My shame is what killed me, I felt so ashamed of myself and my actions, the things I put loved ones through. I hurt the ones who looked up to me and lead them in the wrong direction.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
I put my hope in men and my heart and soul were destroyed. Now I put my hope in Jesus and my longings are being filled in Him, His love, His compassion. Who knows maybe one day He will bring me a husband, if only I had listened I would have had one by now.
Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
I used to walk with fools, people like me, people who backed me up always saying I was right, people who did what I did. I can’t begin to explain how much I suffered..
Now I walk with the wise and inside within myself I have peace, when troubles come I find peace in the Lord and encouragement of others who are wise
Please let God love you, let Him be your Father, trust Him, listen to Him. He will never leave you or hurt you. The wait and the work in healing are so worth it. Eventually He will prevail because you are one of His chosen ones. If you just go willingly you can avoid so many consequences and so much pain.
I know now………….