My body trembles, my Spirit endures

James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

As some of you know I have had many trials back to back. Finances, child support stopping, car trouble, in the process of losing my home. Everything that would destroy most people all happening at once.

I have kept believing that God has a purpose for all this and thinking like that has helped a lot, but the other day I woke up asking why I did. I remembered thinking that in the past many times, wanting to end my life, going over it in my mind, planning the most painless way, I had no hope then. As I went through my day I was upset with God and people in my life. I was swearing at God and having a pity party. Finally I stopped myself and thought okay “what are we supposed to do when the darkness (Satan) is attacking”? God reminded me to take out my sword  of the Spirit, of God’s Word and fight Eph 6:10-18.

I told God I am to weak, I can’t even think of Scripture to help me. He reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11, I started going over it in my mind “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future”. I started saying out loud “He has plans for me Satan, none of this is going to harm me, I have hope and a future”. The darkness lifted and I cried and repented of my earlier actions. I went into Scripture and reread James 1, days earlier God brought me to that Scripture, He keeps telling me that He is strengthening me, maturing me to stand firm in my Faith, making His power perfect in my weakness.

It is a spiritual battle within me right now, my body shakes and is weak, but as I feel I am being crushed God comes in with Hope through His Word. He reminded me in Psalms 91 today that He will protect me and rescue me, He knows I love Him and acknowledge His name.

I am scared, yet excited to see how He comes through. I am tired yet find strength through Him to get through my day. I look forward to having less of me and more of Him. He is bringing me into intimacy with Him. He reminds me how Jesus was treated and how He understands and will work all things together for my good Romans 8:28.

I will prosper Jeremiah 29:11, He will rescue and protect Psalm 91:14-16, I need to find Joy in my trials and I will be blessed when I persevere through them, when I stand the test I will recieve the crown of life James 1, I will be pressed on every side but not crushed 2 Corinth 4:8.

Much like Job I will be more intimate with our powerful, unconditionally loving Lord and I will see His heart even more clearly, His love will be rooted in my heart even more than it was before Job 42:5

I do believe, help my unbelief Mark 9:24

Satan woke me up that day with thoughts of giving up, but God grabbed hold of me and helped me realize that He does have plans and it is Satans only purpose to try and stop those plans. Satan is trying to bring my past thoughts and ways back into my life. I walked with Satan back then, He was my Father. I will not go back though, I rather live on the streets and hold onto the Lord than go back to Him.

It is so hard to explain how someone can go through all the things I am currently and yet still be hopeful, knowing that everything will be fine, more than fine and that I know other’s will be able to see Jesus through my mortal body more and more. I am so grateful that God drew me to Him and that I no longer have to live in a life of darkness and sadness. That nothing this world can do to me can destroy me and control me.

My hope is in the living God in which everything is perfect and one day when God takes me home, I will never have to battle for peace and Joy again.

We are all put through trials in life and go through many scary things, the difference between a born again Christian and a person who isn’t, is that we know there is always Hope, that God will take care of us and rescue us. He will strengthen us so that no matter what comes our way we will walk through it without getting burned. It will get easier and easier each time. The stronger your Faith, the easier the trial is to get through and He uses all this to strengthen our Faith because of how deeply he loves us.

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