So much to tell, I don’t even know where to start. Scripture sounds about right.
Matt 6:25 and 27 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not LIFE more important than food, and the BODY more important than clothes? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the SECRET of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
These verses I have read many times and used them in times I felt I needed them, but they became ALIVE to me recently.
I am going through a rough time, a time the world would view as a hopeless situation. I was unemployed back in November, but God warned me I would lose my job and when it happened I didn’t freak out because I knew He had a plan. I did get unemployment which covered my bills and at just that time I started receiving child support again, which covered our food and gas. Over this past 6 months I have been looking for jobs but don’t seem to be qualified for much of anything. I see though God didn’t mean for this 6 months to be wasted in receiving a new job to consume my time, He meant it for healing. I have learned to battle severe depression which stems from my thoughts of my worthlessness. I have been able to bond with Heaven and be here for her. I have been able to start seeing my worth in God’s eyes instead of my circumstances in the present and past. I don’t view myself through my sin or the sin of other’s as easily anymore.
Now my fear of not having my unemployment extended came and on top of that child support stopped again. I found myself looking at my circumstances and anxiety and depression started to quickly follow.
Like I said child support was our food and gas. So the food is running low, the tank hasn’t been full in over a month, yet we eat and get to where we need to go. One night as we were eating dinner the verse above about not worrying about what you will eat hit me. He is showing me how to look at life one day at a time, don’t extend my thinking to the end of the week, but just in this day only. I had never been so grateful for the food before me. Now when I start to think ahead of this day, I stop and look at my gas tank and say I have enough gas to do what I need for the day, I look in the cabinets and say we have food to eat today. Somehow God has been coming through with little chunks of money just at the right time. The life he talks about in that same verse is the life I feel with him and how I can still walk around with a smile on my face, that isn’t fake. The body is more important, meaning to me, if you stress out and worry you shorten the life of this temporary body that you need to function properly so that you can shine God’s light through it.
The other verse is also important to me because I also know that secret, I feel so honored that God has let me in on that secret. Jesus is the secret, no matter what my situation I have joy and peace. I just know something good is coming and what He is allowing into my life is to teach me. I have had plenty in my life before and I wasn’t anywhere near as happy as I am today. It is such a relief to not worry and rely on myself or other people to get me out of this, to figure it all out. I just wait for His next move for me. I am learning more patience also.
I have been in this situation before. I remember some years back, my friend at the time and I were both a mess. We lost our jobs and had totally no money. We took our kids and her car with the little gas she had left and we went shopping at our parents and food pantries. The only reason I got through that day was because I knew there was liquor waiting to numb out my worries. Funny how drugs and alcohol always found their way to you for free. I had no hope that day, I didn’t know where we were going to end up or how I was going to provide for us in the next few days.
Today though is different, I really walk around knowing there is a purpose for this, a lesson to learn and then it will be over, things will not stay this way. I see God leading me to a career move, starting school to get a degree in social work so that I can help others in these situations and worse. I will be able to have compassion and relate to them. I confess that I finally broke down and applied for a link card to supplement the child support not coming in, it was one of the most humbling things yet. The world has a view of people who get help from the state as losers, addicts, and mooches. I didn’t want to be judged by others because I was in that category. I had to though, I want to feed my daughter while God walks me through to the next step. I saw though first hand how even the workers treat you, like your a waste of their time and how that can really put unnecessary shame on someone, the world oppresses others with the way they think and judge. Yes, there are people taking advantage of these programs and just being lazy, but for a lot of these people there just isn’t a way out, they don’t see the light, only darkness.
Point is in my past in this situation I would have ran to a man and swayed him into providing me with what I needed, men were my only hope. Today though, even with a boyfriend who would gladly help, I wait on God. I am actually excited to see how He will amaze me in how he provides today. I know one day I will be secure financially and I am so glad I am learning now what we can do without, so that I am not spending His money on things that aren’t needed. I want to use the money He will bless me with to help other’s, to change people’s lives sharing with them how God has changed mine.
I am blessed to be broke today. It is changing me and strengthening me and my daughter in many ways. God is showing us how much He loves us and how He really will provide us with what we need.