Psalm 107:20 He sent out his word and healed them;he rescued them from the grave.
Ahhh, the spring warmth and smells have arrived, I appreciated that this week, but today it brings memories and struggle. Of course Spring and Summer are when people party and that is how my life used to be, in a way it felt like it kept me going, surviving, living. I have been pretty good since I met God, I haven’t struggled much with giving that stuff up, but the combination of the weather and sadness today is heavy because of the struggles people around me are experiencing.
God has been healing me from my past, I go through one battle and grieve and then I have peace and Joy until the next one. God takes me through pain and then gives me a break til He has strengthened me again for the next round. Each battle I face takes more of the pain hidden inside and I do become stronger. I feel more free than I did before. Each time is less painful and because I get closer to Him during these times I have even more peace during the painful part. It’s cool, bad and good all fighting within you, all I have to do is hang on and keep my eyes above.
In my past I would turn to drinking or drugs to temporarily fix things. There was nothing like getting high or drunk and laying out at the pool daydreaming about who I would meet that evening and sleep with so I could prove to myself I was worth something, anything.
Since I met God though I get that worth from Him, he has shown me so much about myself that I didn’t know was inside me, the possibilities and potential of what I could do. I have changed so much. I get overwhelming peace, I can’t explain it, you have to experience it, it’s like the best high you have ever had but sober.
I could do something I shouldn’t to make my sadness go away for the moment or I can stick it out with God and His Word. I know that He will work it together for my good and I will come out stronger and be an even better person. I know this to shall pass, I wouldn’t want to give up what I have with God for anything.
Narcotics give you courage and strength in the moment, but God gives you courage and strength every moment. He is worth battling it out and I am worth battling it out.
The sadness is nothing compared to how it used to feel, there is a comfort in it, and it is way less intense. This reminds me He is there and the sadness I feel is because there is something that needs to come out. Listen to His voice in your life, don’t fight Him, you are worth living.
I am going to a children’s conference (to learn how to lead my Sunday School kids better in Worship) and IHOP this whole next week, it’s International House of Prayer for anyone who didn’t know. It is a 24/7 prayer place. I will only be doing it a couple hours a day though, I am excited yet a bit hesitant. I am excited to connect with God more intensely but also hesitant about what He has planned in my healing process. But I know it will come out great. It will be an emotional week, but I will come back a changed person. Better equiped and refreshed to help others who can’t be strong yet.
Life with God is totally adventurous, and it is much safer than skydiving (: Plus God’s adventures make an impact on the world, not just in the moment for yourself. He knows what He’s talking about that’s for sure.
As the verse says He heals with His Word, if I didn’t have the Bible I would be a mess, there is power in it and so much Wisdom, I might not be very educated but I am Wise, something you can only get from God and the sight He gives. He rescued me from my grave of what I was doing to survive before and is healing me and making me strong with His Word. He will do the same for you but you have to be open to facing who you are and letting Him give you a new heart.
I love my new heart and who I am becoming and I won’t let that go easily. Are you fighting for anything worthwhile in your life?